Perhaps healing is simply about remembering to laugh again. Maybe it is about having enough time, that you inhale and exhale aren't rushed or under pressure. It may be that healing is not only about laying it all out and combing over it all, but also accepting that it was hard, that it still is and that that is okay.
I do believe that suffering is suffering and there is no real sense in comparison. I know our hand over the past few years has been a hard one. However, I also hope to not lose perspective. Not in some bullshit silver lining way that dismisses the pain, but rather just as a humbling reminder that some other mom has a hand she would most certainly trade for mine.
Some mom already lost her child.
Some mom holds her child's hand as they fight for their life.
Some mom is singing happy birthday to her baby in the hospital.
Some mom is sending balloons up to heaven.
Some mom has the diagnosis. She knows exactly what they can expect. She is filled with fear.
Some mom is finding a way to share a scary prognosis with her child.
Some mom holds her child's hand as they cry in pain.
Some mom would give anything to turn back time and sit in the scary unknown that we are in. The dark that is actually pretty light. The place where only today's reality counts, because tomorrow's is still a guess.
What would she tell me?
What words of advice would she offer?
I suppose I can't really know, but I'd hazard a bet that she's say:
* Try to focus on today. There will be enough time to tend to tomorrow when it comes. Day by day is the only way.
* Put your phone down, your to do list down, put it all down and connect. For you and for them. You don't get this time back.
* Trust your team. Stay off google. Don't be afraid to ask questions or advocate, it's your job and you know your child best.
* Different doesn't mean bad. Just because things may not look how you expected them to, doesn't mean they won't be full and rich and wonderful this new way.
* Find support in other moms who have also explored these waters. They know the pain you feel. They have walked through this too and they can help be your guide.
* Feel your feelings. Let them come and go.
* Somehow, you will get through it, we all do. Just know, you are not alone.
*Lastly, when you can, have a good belly laugh. Laughter is medicine.
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