There is a chance, in fact a pretty good chance, that some of the people you love, people that are close to you, will disappoint you. Deeply. They will look away when you’re in pain. They will, in their own discomfort, try to placate you with toxic positivity and messages like ‘you never know’, ‘look on the bright side’, ‘be positive’ or ‘keep your chin up’.
Instead of softening the blow, it will intensify the pain;
adding a whole new layer to it all.
When what you need is for someone to say: I see you. I’m scared for you. My heart's breaking with you and for you. I’m right here beside you.
There are no words, but I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere.
What do you need right now?
Instead, they will look away. They will try not to “overstep”. They will leave you to figure it out on your own. The first time it happens, it’s shocking. The second it’s confusing. The third, the forth, the fifth it’s infuriating. And then after that, somehow, it releases. You understand now how it will go. Your expectations have adjusted.
It becomes predictable.
You still don’t get it,
there is grief in it,
but you accept it. Therein lies the peace. Because you see, you will learn who your people are. In the very best of times, and in the worst. The genuine, the raw, the real relationships. They will be there. Imperfectly and unwavering.
Brave enough to fuck it up.
Because they know you don’t need perfection,
you just need someone with the courage to hold your hand while you bear the pain.
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